One of the most important parts of creating a parenting plan is to keep the focus on what arrangements will be best for the children's well-being. Research shows that children of divorce fare better when their living arrangements prioritize stability, safety, and emotional security (Amato & Sobolewski, 2004). For example, if one parent has a more safe and stable home environment, it is more important for the child to be safe and properly cared for than to be concerned with friendships and activities, as the former may be better for the children's safety and emotional needs.
When determining living arrangements, it is crucial to objectively evaluate each parent's ability to provide a nurturing, secure environment conducive to the child's healthy development. Factors such as financial stability, mental health, substance abuse issues, and history of neglect or abuse should be carefully considered (Pruett & DeFronzo, 2008). While maintaining friendships and extracurricular activities is important, these should be secondary concerns to the child's fundamental need for a safe, loving home.
Be Specific and Comprehensive
Creating a Parenting Plan That Works for Everyone
Don't leave anything on the parenting plan open to interpretation. Spell out all the details in the parenting plan. For example, the schedule could read: "Children will reside with Parent A on Monday and Tuesday nights, with Parent B on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Weekends will alternate between homes, with Parent A having the children on even weekends and Parent B on odd weekends. Pickup/dropoff will occur at the children's school at 6pm." Clear and detailed parenting plans have been shown to reduce conflict and improve co-parenting relationships (Pruett et al., 2004).
Build in a Review Process
As an example, you could include a clause like: "This parenting plan shall be reviewed annually in June through mediation. Any changes will be made based on the children's needs at their current ages and circumstances." That way, as children get older and their extracurricular schedules change, you can adjust things like midweek overnights, summer schedules, etc. Incorporating a review process allows for flexibility and adaptation as children's needs evolve (Emery et al., 2005).
Use Objective Criteria
For example, if determining whether the 8-year-old children should have midweek overnight stays, look at factors like:
Distance between homes (is it reasonable for school?)
Parents' work schedules (who can get them to/from school?)
Children's activities/lessons on school nights
Input from teachers on effect of overnight routine
Basing decisions on objective criteria rather than parental preferences has been shown to reduce conflict and promote better co-parenting (Pruett et al., 2007).
Consider a Parenting Coordinator for Your Parenting Plan
In very high-conflict situations where the parents have great difficulty communicating or compromising, it can be helpful to appoint a parenting coordinator in the plan. For example: "The parties agree to use a parenting coordinator from the ABC Counseling Center. The coordinator will have decision-making authority over any disagreements about implementation of this plan that cannot be resolved between the parties." This neutral third party can help interpret the plan, make binding decisions within the scope of their authority, and avoid repeated re-litigation over disputes (Fieldstone et al., 2011).
The key is tailoring the parenting plan to your unique family situation using specific, child-focused criteria while building in a process to evolve the plan over time. With detailed provisions, you can reduce ambiguity and conflict. Crafting an effective parenting plan with the guidance of an experienced and trauma-informed mediator can help establish a solid foundation for your co-parenting journey.
References:
Amato, P. R., & Sobolewski, J. M. (2004). The effects of divorce on fathers and children: Nonresidential fathers and stepfathers. In M. E. Lamb (Ed.), The role of the father in child development (pp. 341–367). John Wiley & Sons Inc.
Emery, R. E., Rowen, J., & Pruett, M. K. (2005). How divorce affects children: A research synthesis. In L. A. Gunsberg & P. Herron (Eds.), Psychological trauparenting: Building a meaningful parent-child relationship (pp. 3–19). American Psychological Association.
Fieldstone, L., Carter, D. K., King, T., & McHale, J. P. (2011). Training, skills, and practices of parenting coordinators: Summary findings from a national survey. Family Court Review, 49(4), 801–817. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744-1617.2011.01413.x
Pruett, M. K., & DeFronzo, R. (2008). Parenting coordination: Addressing high-conflict divorce cases. In R. M. Galatzer-Levy, L. Kraus, & J. Galatzer-Levy (Eds.), The scientific basis of child custody decisions (pp. 415–444). Cambridge University Press.
Pruett, M. K., Ebling, R., & Insabella, G. (2004). Critical aspects of parenting plans for young children: Interjecting data into the debate about overnights. Family Court Review, 42(1), 39–59. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.174-1617.2004.tb00631.x
Pruett, M. K., Insabella, G. M., & Gustafson, K. (2007). The collaborative divorce project: A court-based intervention for separating parents with young children. Family Court Review, 45(1), 38–52. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1744-1617.2007.00126.x
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